I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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