how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
