She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
