I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
