I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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