I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
