fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
