I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
