You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
