I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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