dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize