there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
me + whiskey = a bad person
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
