So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
