Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
