My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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