I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize