can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
