oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
