she was so not down for the gang bang
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
