What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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