Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
