Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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