i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
