I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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