Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
