I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
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did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
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You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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