ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
