why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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