i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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