Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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