Don't you send me to vm
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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