My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
