You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
