Cold hands, warm shart.
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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