my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
