Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
