I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
