Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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