Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
