One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
