what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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