the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
