You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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