I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
