I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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