no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
