were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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