Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
