last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
