Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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