shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
