If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
