It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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