Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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