Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
