My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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