sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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