she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
