Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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