3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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