life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
