Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
