she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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