I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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